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Late last year, just after Thanksgiving, Rachel Cedar (a social worker/parenting expert in NYC, founder of You Plus Two Parenting) commented on my Instagram asking for my email to contact me about a Blogger series she had in the works. Of course I was certain she was mistaking me for someone else, but I went along. When I received an email from her a few hours later, I was blown away by the fact that she wanted me to contribute to 28 Days of Play. The idea was/is that parents, bloggers, and writers come together to create a conversation about the challenges we all face sometimes just simply engaging with our children in PLAY. One of the most beautiful results of writing my piece, which "aired" today, is that it felt like getting something heavy off of my chest and since sending it in to Rachel and as I've read the other contributions- not only do I feel validated and connected to the thoughts I wrote about, I feel better about my relationship with play. I've lightened up, and am catching myself really enjoying my fellas.
Of all the things I love about the internet and publishing words of my own and getting feedback, what I love the very most is the amount I seem to learn from just Putting Myself Out There. Often times (like I mentioned in my previous post) I contradict my words almost immediately in real life- which could end up begin very uncomfortable and embarrassing but instead I find it stimulating and grounding all at once.
If you read my essay on Rachel's site, and you feel so compelled- leave a comment, pass it along, share it on social media, and continue to read the series. It's such a wonderful conversation to be having. I've found myself in tears and laughter so far, shaking my head yes, and shaking my head no. Rachel has worked so hard and has been so wonderfully positive and graceful in putting the thing together- and hey! This series was even on Australia's Morning Sunrise Show, featured on Today and msnbc.com, and various other outlets!!! So, Yay!
I could go on and on about this but I have some home-made fish sticks eat and some Star Wars to enjoy with my family, so I'll just leave you with a link to the piece I contributed to beautiful Rachel's website: HERE
Happy Reading.
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| Possibly the first and last times I'll be asked for a headshot. Thanks to my friend, Bryan Hembree for taking this snap on a whim one Sunday afternoon after Brunch. Cheers! |
13 comments:
Awesome. Congrats.
Oh thank God they're homemade fish sticks! Otherwise, the horror of it all! Bint.
Thanks Carrie!
Speaking of Words, Anonymous- you just taught me another new one!! (Bint). I feel neutral about store bought fish sticks, as it turns out. So, Ha!
This Anonymous is looking for faults, so s/he will naturally find them. There's a way to express dissatisfaction that's not unsolicited copyediting and snark.
Here's the thing - I agree with what some of Anonymous has said, but don't think it's necessary to be mean about it. I also think you post too many pictures of your kids...instead of 20 similar pictures, how about 10. When you edit, what's left behind is more powerful. I do think there might be some ego involved with what you portray here and on IG. You've made a pretty big deal about these (not even all that harsh) comments on all your social media platforms.
I feel for you, Nicolette. Your insecurities and self-consciousness do come through in your writing - but so does your good heart and vulnerable spirit. I don't think you're a bad person or a bad mom but I do think you've fallen into some pretty bad blogger cliches. As is usually the case it's not WHAT you write but HOW you write it that might be rubbing Anonymous the wrong way. Like when people refer to their cars by the make. "The Benz is in the shop this week" instead of "my car is in the shop" - it's a subtle way of letting others know that you have a luxury car. Just say you've got to go eat some fish sticks. Are you worried that people might think you're eating frozen fish sticks? Is it that important to you for everyone to know that a particular item you're wearing is thrifted? Or that you don't give your children candy? Sometimes these statements can come off as superior. I don't think that you honestly think you're superior to moms who give their kids candy, or put them in disposable diapers, or wear jeans from Wal Mart. But sometimes your phrasing sort of makes it sound like you do. I've been a follower of yours (mostly on IG) for a while now so I think I sort of get who you are or how you are. I want to help. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and just unfollowed you as a reaction to some of these things but you'll say things like you "don't get this whole social media thing" so perhaps you really don't understand how you come off to others. So in that regard - I am merely trying to help. I personally can't bear Kelle Hampton and her insane followers - I don't want you to try to be like her. I want you to try to be like yourself...if you're gonna put yourself out here on the internet, you'll need to be prepared for criticism.
So you'll leave straight-up critical comments but not constructive ones?
I actually did not delete any comments, but I think that the comment you are referring to was in my inbox and then didn't appear here. I think it was very great message and has been received. I'd also like to respond. Perhaps I can copy and paste it from my email...
This Anonymous is looking for faults, so s/he will naturally find them. There's a way to express dissatisfaction that's not unsolicited copyediting and snark.
Here's the thing - I agree with what some of Anonymous has said, but don't think it's necessary to be mean about it. I also think you post too many pictures of your kids...instead of 20 similar pictures, how about 10. When you edit, what's left behind is more powerful. I do think there might be some ego involved with what you portray here and on IG. You've made a pretty big deal about these (not even all that harsh) comments on all your social media platforms.
I feel for you, Nicolette. Your insecurities and self-consciousness do come through in your writing - but so does your good heart and vulnerable spirit. I don't think you're a bad person or a bad mom but I do think you've fallen into some pretty bad blogger cliches. As is usually the case it's not WHAT you write but HOW you write it that might be rubbing Anonymous the wrong way. Like when people refer to their cars by the make. "The Benz is in the shop this week" instead of "my car is in the shop" - it's a subtle way of letting others know that you have a luxury car. Just say you've got to go eat some fish sticks. Are you worried that people might think you're eating frozen fish sticks? Is it that important to you for everyone to know that a particular item you're wearing is thrifted? Or that you don't give your children candy? Sometimes these statements can come off as superior. I don't think that you honestly think you're superior to moms who give their kids candy, or put them in disposable diapers, or wear jeans from Wal Mart. But sometimes your phrasing sort of makes it sound like you do. I've been a follower of yours (mostly on IG) for a while now so I think I sort of get who you are or how you are. I want to help. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and just unfollowed you as a reaction to some of these things but you'll say things like you "don't get this whole social media thing" so perhaps you really don't understand how you come off to others. So in that regard - I am merely trying to help. I personally can't bear Kelle Hampton and her insane followers - I don't want you to try to be like her. I want you to try to be like yourself...if you're gonna put yourself out here on the internet, you'll need to be prepared for criticism.
I do wish that I knew one anonymous from the next but, hell- who do ya really know on the internet anyway.
I have so many questions. Like why even read blogs if they are just going to piss you off? And why be so critical. But I think those questions are definitely ego driven. The deeper I dig my way down the blogger rabbit hole, the more I have begun to question myself as well.
Truthfully: I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I've been making blog posts for less than two years all while raising two little kids. I'm half in and half out- my excessive Instagramming is proportionate to lack of a real social life. Somehow over these past couple of years a little over 1200 people have decided they like to look at the (apparently excessive) number of photos I post on said Instagram. I don't think that I am trying to be like anyone else. But maybe I am. It's hard to tell sometimes. It is not my intention to gain a huge audience, and I'm trying to not be offended (?) by the Kelle Hampton reference... I just don't even know what to say about that.
The time that I screen shot and posted the comment by another anonymous suggesting I tone it down? I was having a hard time. Posting about it on Instagram and Facebook was not my proudest moment, but I did think that the result of that experience was a humbling one, and with the comments today- I was able to reply in what I thought was a light hearted fashion. Also, I think my intention was misinterpreted. I never meant for the posts to be "fuck them, you rule" type thing. The part about claiming to be social media inept I don't think is entirely accurate. My intention was to illicit a discussion about how this limitless online world has become a place where not everyone is aware of all the unstated 'rules,' and snark about limitations seems to be in vogue. When we are left to try to consider every individual that may or may not see a simple post of ours, THAT becomes overwhelming. Some of the joy of just pressing share has been stifled by what people might think. You have stated that I should be myself, but not so much myself as to make people think that I think I'm superior. The thing is: I am being myself. This is who I am. I make my own fish sticks, and we drive a benz (it's an old clunker benz and I get that your analogy had nothing to do with her.) I don't give my kids candy all that often, and for some that is common ground. The fact of the matter is- I sensor myself a lot. There's all kinds of aspects of our lifestyle that I don't broadcast JUST BECAUSE I don't want to seem snooty! So that's awkward... (I thought I was doing it right)
I shouldn't have even mentioned my fish sticks! I just thought it was cute- and accurate. We were enjoying some very delicious fancy ass fish sticks. My descriptors are usually what I think make my selfies and shoe and food post-worthy. Being the self-involved weirdo that I am, I thought that that was what was separating my offerings. I know that when things rub me the wrong way, that I see on the internet- it usually has more to do with how I am feeling about myself vs. how I think the person is trying to appear. Perhaps I am wrong...
I don't even know what to say about the kids' pictures.
What is true is that I am insecure and self-conscious and very openly so. To a fault. And I think I may just be in a little over my head as far as what I've got going here- which is actually a very little read blog.com and whole lot of anonymous comments today. I'm not popular. And that's ok.
Thank you for taking the time to point these things out to me. I've suspected that these types of criticisms existed and I know that if one or two people take the time to point them out- a WHOLE lot of others are thinking the same and not saying.
Fish sticks? Seriously? Her husband is a fucking chef. Why would she refer to them as anything else? Grow some danglers and leave your name next time. That way I can find you and harass your little space on the internet. But I will sign my name.
Nic-- you are one gnarly mama. Love you. Your kids. Your space on the internet. XO
I think it take an incredible amount of courage to blog at all - and I'm not sure why "Anonymous" feel like they have the right criticize how you express yourself and your life. You live a beautiful little life with your family that should be cherished and admired. And why do people complain when people "over-share" on instagram? Isn't that what it's there for?? To share picture? Don't stop what your'e doing - cause you're doing great things. xox
Can I get your fish stick recipe?
Love, Candace
I look forward to your feed every single day. I even ordered red Hasbeen clogs because you were nice enough to respond to my comment last year and fill me in on the brand.
I wanted to email you directly, but couldn't find your email on your website. Probably a good call considering these nasty comments.
My blog is private for just this reason and I'm too scared to put me or my family out there again.
I appreciate your style, honesty, thrifty ways, cute bangs, adorable boys and how much you wear your heart on your sleeve. Chin up. You're awesome.
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