From The Comfort of My Home

 I'm trying to recall the last time I actually left my house.  Today, I had every intention of running errands with the boys, but after several mis-fires of our take-off, and running into nap time for the little one, we ended up staying in for another hot August day.  Luckily the boys had their little school on Monday and Tuesday while I stayed at home recovering from a summer sinus cold that I'm having trouble shaking.  I feel like it's been since Saturday that I actually drove my car!  Yikes... 

So, today- like so many days this summer- was kind of wash, but I completed a few things that I was behind on, and after little Bear woke from his three hour nap- we did the usual chicken tending to.  He loves his chickens, and today got a good look at Blondie (who will soon return to her home coop outback behind the birth hut where I visited for home birth prenatals with both boys) readying her nest to lay an egg.  I think she got a little stressed out, and we ended up leaving her in peace to do her thing. Both our little boys sure do love to take for their "ditch," the little Jasper word for chickens. 

We are in the midst of slowly weaning our little 2 1/2 year old from breast feeding. And I say slowly because that's the pace he has set. Starting with night time (that's right, this little boy would "nuss" (nurse) all night if I let him) and we are wanting to take as much time as is necessary to have a gentle experience, but it's not exactly feeling that way. Gentle I mean. It's going slowly, but he is a fighter and that wears us out. Some nights are better than others, but in the midst of what could be one of the busiest time of our life, this guys' night nursing walking papers are not being served with the most compliance.

I'll tell you... this kid gives us run for our money- he climbs the cabinets the second you leave the room and rummages for snacks, his favorite at the moment are raisins and nuts, figs and watermelon, and these raw oat bars that we buy pre made.  (It just dawned on me as I'm typing this that it might serve us well to make him his own down-low snack shelf.) He is very curious and assertive and very very crafty- BUT.  He is also super super loving and sweet. The melt-in-to-you hugs and the kindness and empathy that he displays at just 2 1/2 years old is pretty impressive. But he's also scrappy and thinks he is the boss. It's tough being so little with all these ideas and initiatives and to be constantly redirected and told no.  One thing that is a certain is that this little guy thrives when he is kept busy- and especially when he is outside. We remind ourselves that this little Bear is new here.  We are all relatively new here, if you think about it.  Just trying to figure all these life-customs out as we go.  I know I'm still learning and it's very steep learning curve when little kids' are involved!  That's for sure. 

Happy Mid-week to you.  Hope your life lessons are gentle and kind to you this week.

Tomorrow, I break out from the comfort of my home!

Hodge Podge of Photos + Words

I'm not quite sure where to begin.  To say that I am behind, here, is a bit of an understatement.  There are a number of images that have been piling up in the "to blog" folders that I'd like to share, as well as a number of topics of one-sided-discussion that I've begun to compose a number of times.  We are currently in a very transitional time in our young family life.  The past few months have been full fledged 'open a pizza place' mode, and this week that mode came to its peak when the doors opened, birthing a new business baby, and my husband and his partner are like the breastfeeding mothers of this newborn restaurant babe.

Now, I need to tell you that it is my instinct to want to just unload all kinds of commentary regarding the discomforts and long hours and lack of family time that has been our summer, but I'm not going to do that.   I'm going to resist my urge to complain- something that comes very naturally to me, the act of complaining.   Usually after a good session of focusing on the negative, I feel like shit and guilty because when it comes down to brass tacks- I have found myself living a very charming little life, and the things that I have to complain about... well, they aren't necessarily legitimate.  On the scale of human suffering- what I've got going on here-  my woes pretty much don't even make it to the chart or graph or whatever.  Plus, it seems that when we waller in our misery (in my case phantom-misery) it does nothing for lifting the spirit.

I noticed this the other day when I called my Dad after dropping the kids at their three-mornings-a-week play school program.  My intention was to call him and whine and maybe get a little pep-talk, but instead- we talked about him.  We talked about him pretty exclusively.  The supplements he was about to ingest before heading out the gym for his work out, what kind of coffee he likes to drink, the dermatologist his is seeing, and current events (which as you likely well aware, are quite humbling to say the least.)  I couldn't really get a complaint in edgewise, and you know what?  I felt great for the rest of the day!  Maybe it's just because I really miss my Dad (he lives across the country and we don't visit much) and I have always been a big fan of his so maybe it was just that, but a full hour of not thinking about my 'problems,' and listening was just what I needed.

Which leads me to this little place where I get to recount and share the joy.  I've kept quiet around here recently because I've been a little ashamed of what I've been wanting to write.  Which isn't to say that I'm not venting to a few people here and there.  Well, and my husband gets an ear full at least once a day (followed by an apology call, and reassurance and supportive words and such and such.)  Because there have been long hours and little time to be together- but there's been some.  There's been a lack of vacation and no weekends to speak of- but there will be.  And here and there we sneak in mini-sessions of weekend-like things, and all day everyday- there are moments that I am disarmed by the adorableness of my two boys... and, of course, I capture it when I can.  

***

After wrangling the boys to bed a couple of nights ago, I found myself french mopping the bathroom linoleum surrounding the toilet.  You know, the method where you use wet rags with your feet to do the mopping.  I don't know if that's actually what the technique is called but a lady referred to it as such once and now I do, too.  Because I love culture.  I digress.  Daily pee cleans, along with coffee in the morning are rituals around here.  Whilst working my toes into the corners where the baseboards meet the dreaded poly floor surface, abducting and adducting my leg in a fashion not unlike the New York City Ballet Workout Video I checked out from the library and did the once, I had the craziest thought.  Instead of my usual, "cuss cuss cuss... urine...cuss cuss," I heard myself think, "Well, I sure am grateful for the use of my legs and feet."  I was surprised and pleased with this thinking.  And, can you believe it?  There's so much more...  

I am grateful that we are all well. (after a summer cold that was preceded by a fever virus)

I am grateful that we have everything we need and more.

I am grateful for hot baths in essential oils while the kids are at play school.

I am grateful for coffee dates with girlfriends. (I am so grateful for coffee dates with girlfriends)

I am grateful for this mild summer we have enjoyed.  The rain has been lovely.

I am grateful for chicken eggs (the chicken turds, not so much) 

I am grateful for my eyesight.

I am grateful for my camera.  

I am grateful for clean water.

I am grateful for a supportive community.

I am grateful to be married to a person who accepts my humanity.

So there's that.  There's gratitude, and it seems it's winning, slowly but surely.  

And I think I'll call my Dad more often.

Thanks for checking in.