Sunday with Sons

After a delicious Sunday brunch, we said good-day to the husband/dad who had a work engagement til after dark, and set out to spend the better part of the day at a local artist's community.  The sign at the intersection of the highway pictures a little Bluebird of Happiness and an arrow reads "This way to a wonderland of art!"

Everyone was a little bit over-tired, weaving in and out discomforts and protest and laughter and wonder.

We ate a brownie next to the pond and I drank watery coffee with a faulty ratio of creamer which I prepared in a frenzy trying to to keep the boys from running wild through the gift shop full of glass.

We crossed the bridges and enjoyed the warm afternoon sunshine and the shadows it made. We stayed too long, and I took too many pictures. We made our way around the grounds twice and had a snack-picnic on a blanket.

There were spiders. There were a lot of spiders, and I probably would not have even noticed had the boys not pointed every. single. spider. out. In a scared, get as close to the spider as possible, and repeat in a high pitched whine-alarm way: spiderspiderspiderspider. I managed to be polite until something like spider #17, when I kind of snapped a little- in front of strangers. Of course.

Each son made a wish in the wizard cave and expected their material wishes to... well, materialize.  (Lou wished for a big Millennium Falcon, while Jasper just said "cupcake," to which Loukas amended- one HUNDRED cupcakes) "Now let's go find my wish."

As we searched for their wish-loot, I explained the open-endness of wishes and their coming-true-timeliness, and the boys made up a game where they offered magic crystals to the door where the wizard must be hiding behind. They called out to run this way and that and even managed to wriggle open an off limits gate while I was looking the other way.  The mission was to find their prizes, and I grumbled, a bit stressed that they might meltdown over the fact that the wishes weren't to be coming true that day, trying to offer verbal cushions to the blow that I saw coming.  Until I realized... they were pretending.

End of September

Our last weekend of September was a very social one.
It's always nice to spend time with friends, enjoying good food, each other's little ones, and this beautiful autumn weather we've been loving.

The annual biker gang convention was in town, therefore the roads were crowded and the rumble and roaring of tail pipes was constant.  Jasper said, "moke-ickile woud."

Along with thinning our wardrobes and cycling in the fall garb, I've parted with a majority of our baby things, save a most edited down keepsake stash. Coming into this place where we are no longer expanding our family, I am seeking other ways to expand my effectiveness as a human.  This feels as uncomfortable as it does a relief.

I did not take very many photographs this weekend.
It's come to pass that I'm feeling more of a "doing with what is presently surrounding me rather than collect" phase, and
In this phase, I find that I have always just enough, and then some.

That One Time I was Insta-Famous

About 6 weeks ago, I became a Suggested User on Instagram.  Being a Suggested User is somewhat of a social media accolade. Instagram sends an email about how much they love your account and your unique point of view and that they find your Instagrams, as well as the way you conduct yourself, to be what they want to see more of from their community members. So your account is suggested to new users when they sign up, and is higher visibility for the run of your feature. Of course it wasn't until three weeks after my feature that I received said notification, so I was a bit confused and conflicted while the whole thing was happening.

It was a Thursday, and I was putting my son down for a nap when I logged on to my favorite hobby/photo-sharing app to find a notification:  'Instagram started following you.'  Over the next two weeks, my followers list grew from just over 2300 to 32-thousand.  Everyday, the number kept growing until the day Instagram un-followed my account and I was left with a large following of new accounts and slightly confused. It became very hard to monitor the new accounts that were joining me and not all of those accounts are benign.  There's a lot of weird stuff out there.  In an attempt to try to screen new followers... I saw a couple penises (insert shocked-face emojji.)  You read that right. I saw wangs. (And reported them!)

A week later, this Direct Message (along with the aforementioned email) came:

I think I would have "enjoyed" the whole feature experience had I known that's what it was, for sure.  I also could have blocked the entire thing all together or have made my account private, but I didn't.  I went ahead and let it go, just to see what would happen.  There were a few well meaning suggestions that I not expose my children, and I thought it over and decided that I cannot make decisions based in fear. I am a protective, cautious mother.  None of my photos are geo-tagged.  I am thoughtful of my kids safety.    

Truth be told, I follow a few accounts on Instagram (some who are also mothers who share photos of their kids) that I admire who have large followings and have wondered what it would be like to have such and audience or whatever, and I still wonder what that's like. Gaining a Suggested User following is kind of a bit of tease.  The (lack) interaction of my followers with the photos I share actually makes me feel kind of crappy.  Hilarious, right?!  I've actually pulled up the calculator app on my phone and run numbers on the likes/followers percentage, and it's a fraction of a fraction of the reception that I see others with similar followings receive.  It's not about quantity.  It's not about the numbers but I can't not see that there is disproportion. I'm certainly not ungrateful for having been selected, though.  It did bring me joy, but I desire quality interactions, and am super grateful for those who are still with me and to those who have supported me and continue to encourage my growth as a photographer and human being.  

None of this is a big deal, or of any real consequence.  Instagram is not a big deal.  Blogging and making posts on social media are not a big deal, but how I feel about it is a big deal; to me. Recently, I have been feeling a lack of permission (from myself) to be myself.  I'm over thinking it, and I'd like to shed the excess number of "followers" and get back to doing my thing.  I won't lie, It'd be neat if my readership and following continues to develop and I connect with real people who share my interests or who are brought joy by the images I capture, and lifestyle that we cultivate around here. It's fun to share ideas and to be inspired by one another.  On the other hand,  it's just not fun when you feel like you are being watched by a virtual peanut gallery of thirty thousand and it feels like no one "likes" your stuff, even though there are hundreds that do.  I hate that that is even something I've spent any time thinking about.

After the initial surge, the number of followers and likes have steadily decreased (I've also gained some very quality new connections that I hope to keep, however- which is so great!)  There is a part of me that was hoping things would turn around and that the number at the top of my Profile page would get me noticed by the accounts that I admire, but that's just ridiculous. I don't think that my followers number should be a means for validation.

When you have your account rebuilt by IG Exorcist (which is the third party site that is culling all of my inactive followers on Instagram at this very moment) you are given a list to review (in my case 24,892) of followers who have not interacted with your account in so many months days.  The first several pages of the almost 25 thousand inactive followers were all usernames that were numbers-- totally Not legit profiles... which leads me to feel pretty good about this choice. 

IG Exorcist is a free, independent service operated by a guy (who has a beautiful Instagram account and a very quality following) that removes ghost followers. All I did was log on, had a report run on my account, then agreed to have the inactive followers removed- I think they can only remove 80 an hour or so, so my account will return to a smaller, more connected "following" by the weekend, and I'm happy about that. (There were a few emails exchanged, and I had a good reference from a former blogger who had her account rebuilt recently as well, and feel assured that all those who I want to stay will not be blocked) 

So, why am I even sharing this? 

  

Probably because I'm proud of myself. They say that outside of Motherhood, you should have something for yourself. Instagram is one such Hobby for me right now. I'm proud that I was an Instagram Suggest User! It's quite the compliment! And I'm proud of myself for making this choice- to choose quality over quantity.  And mostly I want to document that it happened! So I can look back and be like, "Remember that one time when I was Insta-famous for a couple of weeks."

xo 

The Sabbath

I took a drive up the mountain that looks over our Ozark town this morning to play photographer. 
There were three girls huddled together with fleece blankets on their laps, reading bibles.
It ended up being an hour and a half of just me and my lens, capturing what I could, driving all around the mountain.
Enchanted by the sun dancing in and out of the fog,
I trespassed a little,
And used the self-timer on my camera.
It was a delightful 90 minutes.

Then, I bought a half-dozen donuts "an assortment that will impress small children," I told the window worker at the drive-through donut place.
There were two sprinkle donuts, two plain glazed, a maple glazed and a strawberry frosted cake donut.
I did not snap any photos of the donuts but instead took a bite out of each one and told the boys it must have been one of the workers at the place.

A happy start to Sunday.

A Little Loft Sleep Space

Just a slightly premature share of a little space redo:

A few weeks ago, in the throws of losing a lot of sleep trying to wean our little Bear, I decided to turn our Loft Play Room into another Sleep Space.  

Really, It's been quite a simple endeavor.  I ordered a Japanese floor mattress on Amazon.com along with an additional wool topper, had thrifted some cool vintage daisy sheets, and found a pretty awesome rug in the back corner of Tuesday morning.  After rearranging a few items from around the house, we have this sweet little cozy space where the boys and I like to read book and spend down time together.  I imagined that I'd sneak up there in the wee morning hours- when the family bed seems to feel the most crowded, (and the threat of waking our little ones for the morning is red alert) but that hasn't happened yet.  

I think it's coming along quite nicely, and can't wait to share it with overnight guests.

Little Boy Riding Hood (Goes to Target)

 

Lou loves his cloak (made by my friend Betony @makeitbetony)

I paid the boy $5 to let me take some photos of him in his "cape," around the yard. 

Lou doesn't always having his photo taken.  

He does loves getting paid.

We then went to Target, a place that my boys love to patron. They ask to go all the time, I'm indifferent, and find it stressful to meet everyone's needs (eh-hem- my needs) when we visit the ole Bullseye.

Target is fun with two kids- IF you surrender to their desires and spend 1.5 hours touring four toy aisles. We took 2 bathroom breaks, stopped in the book section, which I quite love- especially the sticker books. I tried to get the kids interested in spending their Target allowance on Kimon Books.  No go. 

All was well until I remembered we needed lunch and started to feel faint, and couldn't get the guys to exit the Toy Department. That's when I knelt down and clench-jaw growled, "I'm never brining you to Target again." Both boys' eyes widened. I was hungry, and quickly recoiled, playing it off like I was fooling around. 

Lou found Star Wars mini figures a la little plastic Army men, which were $4.99. They each handed the lady at the register their 5's and she handed them a single bill each back.  Even though that wasn't the right math- it was a fun exchange. 

All in a Wednesday morning.