How About Now

For the past couple of months, I've been on a bit of a blogging hiatus.  There have been a few contributing factors which include but are not limited to:

• A giant number of photo images to comb through from our September Vacation that I've put off for so long and now wrestle with where to go from where I left off from the last post.  (Do I just pretend the last three months never happened?)
• Distractions in attempting and unsuccessfully trying to sell used goods on the internet (which took a lot of time and the shipping of the items-while fun- caused me to get a little stressed to the point of yelling at my kids and husband therefore yielded in little benefit overall)
• Popcorn.  Dressed with Nutritional Yeast, Sea Salt, and Black Pepper.  In bed.  With my very best husband friend, watching hours of Entertaining Television Programming via various Internet Video Streaming sites. 
• Piles and piles of laundry that don't ever seem to be fully put away, that I pretend I'm going to get to and pretty much shirk every day all day.  My relationship with our family's clothing has developed many layers.  I could write a book about my relationship with our laundry.  Or at least a chapter of a book about my relationship with laundry in general. There would be a funny account or two from my youth- some of my mom's catch phrases pertaining to her dealing with my habitual fashionista clean laundry piles which I would never outgrow- the pile of clothes that to this day goes from bed to chair, chair to bed everyday always with the intention of putting it away.  Everyday. At least it's not the floor as it once was bed to floor, floor to bed I tell myself.  I'd end the chapter just as every mediocre writer of my status would, turning that mountain of apparel into a metaphor.  For Motherhood.  How that pile of laundry that daunts me everyday has multiplied as I've become a Mother- there are now two tiny boys whose pile contests mine and how try as I may -not actually, but pretend try as I may- it'll never all be put away, just as in Motherhood, the job goes on and on and on and on.  (So that "I've got to get the laundry put away" excuse is out, it's never going to be done anyway)  
• Our dishwasher broke and we wash dishes by hand now (it's only been two weeks on that one.  lame offering)
• I accidentally read a bunch of stuff on one of those blogger bashing forums which shan't be named (a la Voldemort- say the name and give it power)  & I rue the day I laid eyes on those pages.   It happened a few months ago when I googled my blog name and found myself staring into a hole of darkness:  pages and pages and pages and pages of blog readers dissecting every move of popular mommy bloggers, casting shadows of doubt and causing me to question my motivation and the safety of sharing photos of my children and bits of our life on the internet.  Some over the top Instagram comments that I had made on a lady's photos got a little bit of attention on a certain forum and the contributors had a little couple page run at my expense.  They visited my page here and called me a copycat and made fun of my kids' names but ultimately decided to leave me alone.  I think one of them even said I didn't sound like half the idiot on my blog as I did on Instagram.  Which I took as a compliment.  You never know who is watching or reading.  I have a lot to say about what I read on that forum (and I'm sure what I will say here is incomplete in its delivery), I even thought about creating a user account and participating in the discussion but then realized that would take me away from my not-blogging, ("redneck wannabe blogging"- that was a comment that a nice person left here around the same time that the blogger forum mentioning of my me went down, however I didn't make that connection at the time and was just going along being myself on the internet not realizing that there was gang of gals creepin.)  Here's the deal.  This is a fun creative outlet and I don't get a gazillion (or even hundreds) of page views on my little blog so obviously that site is not threat to my doings here, but I do think that some of the discussion that is going on about whether or not sharing our children's images and bits of their childhood is 1. SAFE, or 2. A violation of their privacy are very valid conversations to have.  The world of blogging and social media have become an incredible advertising tool for companies to spread the word about their products.  When a Blogger or Instagrammer with a huge following features a product of a small business (or huge businesses alike), it can lead to a major boost for that company.  People are taking notice and a part of the unrest about this reality, that online personalities are paid and compt by companies for sharing photos of their children in products that the family is being paid by, is that in essence they are using their child to earn a living.  Apparently, there are people out there who are vying for viral blog posts and sponsorships to roll in and the world is going to hell in a hand basket according to these blog critic enthusiasts.  So, Is the Blogger the new Stage Mom?  I don't think so.  I think that if happens that your online content gains a following and if you are offered money or cool products to try (products maybe you want to try but couldn't afford otherwise) in exchange for a mention on your space and if that happens organically and your intentions are positive, there's no harm in it.  Advertising is a very complicated avenue that has to evolve just like anything else, to survive.  If a family can make a living from the comfort of their home and be rewarded for their creativity and style, I think we are not moving in a bad direction if this is what 'the world is coming to.'  We needn't martyr ourselves and our partners and become hostile by comparison about families finding a way to STAY TOGETHER and work from home.  Or would you rather your advertising be served up to you in 3 second frames at a high disorienting volumes?  Ultimately, I am a believer in the Good.  We shouldn't go around accusing and demanding people to prove the innocence of their intentions.  We, Instead, ought to assume innocence and maybe not even aim for ill will for a stranger on the internet, assuming all kinds of wild scenarios that are stacked and stacked upon assumptions.    I mean, I know that when something that someone else is doing is beginning to irritate or infuriate me, I like to reassess the situation and try to examine what it is within myself that is making me feel negatively about what that someone else is doing.  Our perceptions of a what is going on are all based on our own experiences, our mood, what we had for breakfast even.  When you are constantly judging yourself and hyper critical of yourself, you generally end up being that way towards others, and if you are physically becoming stressed out by another's actions you are really only hurting yourself.  Blood Pressure spikes and feelings of hatred are actually the least favorable for the person feeling them. (taking the poison, hoping the other gets sick) It's just science.  Some of what I read on those forums (not about myself, about bloggers I follow) was thought provoking and funny and (gratefully) created a level of self awareness that I am always (at first uncomfortable with, then) happy to have gained.  We all tend to read things from where we sit (or stand) and the critical things people offer whether they be about you or others- or in some cases the glittery realities that provoke those critics- hit us right in the center and shake us up a little when we identify with the subject matter.  We compare ourselves when it's not necessary to compare ourselves, and frankly it's a waste of time.  Oh, and the other stuff I read was just cray.  Spoiler Alert:  NO ONE IS TRYING TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS OF THEIR LIFE. And, only 1% of the population are truly narcissistic.  That's a statistic.  Everyone:  Stop calling each other narcissists.  In bullet point summation, I like blogs.  I like to read them: laugh, cry, feel challenged, learn about trendy products before they become trendy, etc.    When I publish things here, I don't know where they will end up.  I don't know who will feel or think what and like I mentioned before- the Both of you who are reading?  You like me, right?   Ok.  That just went on for Far Longer than I intended.  I've been thinking on that one for a while and I thought I'd put it out there.  Short Story Long, I'm not scared- and even if what I am making is crap, I'm going to continue.  Regardless of who might be watching. 
• Sometimes when I read really great blogs, with amazing photos and lovely lay-outs, I pretty much want to hide in a corner for shame of what I'm (not) accomplishing here.  But then I just keep trying.  Because making is better than not making.  But that has definitely contributed to my dark space.  Also,
• I am Lazy.

All of these excuses, nay, offerings are not meant to impress or distract from the underlying truth of the matter that blogging takes a lot of time, sometimes an idea that I might have for something to write about and share photographs with fizzles out before I get a two hour block of time with out interruptions to get it all out.  And, Mostly that first bullet up there sums it all up.. combing through the SHITLOAD of photos that end up accumulating when you are deeply entrenched in a mamarazzi habit, becomes daunting.  That's why people get paid for this.  And that's why all the comments and shares and positive feedback end up really feeling like a reward.  Also, I am posting a blog right now but I don't really consider myself a blogger.  Like, I verb blog but I'm not a noun blogger.  (I promised myself I'd not write about blogging in a blog and why I've not been blogging, but here I am.  Blogging about not Blogging again.)
***
And on to the goods:
What our end of year is looking like (why yes, I think I AM just going to let the last three months go unBlogged)

Firstly, one of our kids' little Christmas Presents is this cute little living room bowling set by The Land of Nod (who recently started following me on Instagram which made me crap my panties a little with excitement. {figure of speech}  They've been one of my very favorites for a couple of years and I couldn't have been more excited that they want to look at my Instagrams.  I'm @ozarkmamadeer if  you want to follow along, my account is private but I accept mostly everyone that doesn't seem like a fake account.)  After we received the set in the mail, I realized my two guys had never seen a bowling alley.  So we impulse took them to Roll on Monday. Does it go without saying that most of our age group was deeply affected by the Cohen Brother's film, The Big Lebowski?  We didn't go all Walter and The Dude all over the place but we did end up having a good time.  And the place was empty on a Monday afternoon so it was real special...  I mean until the little one ate a rogue peanut that (we assume) he dug out of the cracks of the (water? stained) grubby bowling alley seats.  It was one of those "What's he eating?!"  "Did you bring snacks?" "No." (smell breath) "Oh Crap, it's a PEANUT!!"  Thankfully, he is not allergic.  We do avoid peanuts though and his face did eczema flare, and from there the whole thing kind of went awry.  The boys gave up for lost and the husband and I finished their last half of the game, which worked out for me because I am pretty much a terrible bowler and getting to use the bumper rail things was a great confidence booster in my Rollin.

If I were to have a Bowling Handle, it'd be Gutter Ballah

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Today is the Winter Solstice.  I've been counting down to this day, as tomorrow the days grow longer.  The light is on its way back.  I'm not exactly one to lament the seasons, but I do succumb to the glooms when light is low.  I love the cycles of feeling the ins and outs and ups and downs of the rotation of the Earth on her axis, the distance and closeness to the Sun.  The Sun which fuels every living thing.  So Today, is a celebration of the light that is to come and the absence of light which reminds us to surrender to Season and be still and nestle in to our burrows and create and get ready for the Winter that is ahead.

{{Some little scenes from around our burrow today}}

My friend, Amanda makes these really lovely altars at her home with various intentions and I feel inspired by that and kind of look at our home as our own little altar of the things that remind us of our gratitude for the Now (and the then and the will be).

This Book.  So So Beautiful.  {BRAG:  I made that pillow.}

This is our Tomten, Axel, handmade by the talented Audrey Eclectic

I love the mail this time of year- especially cards from my Instagram Ladies!

These arrived in the Mail today, a surprise from my MOM.  So smitten.

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We've little by little been getting ready for Christmas as well.  It's all coming together quite nice.  I am hoping to hop on here in the next couple of days and share a little about the gifts I chose for the boys this year.  We like to look at Christmas gift giving as Collecting for the Winter.  We consider the weather, and the activities that we will be partaking in, indoors and out, and try to collect thoughtful items that will last and that will be work in our environment.

I happened to have been on a real thrifting high for the last half of the year or more and gifted a lot of unique found items to my family members, and THEN we serendipitously ended up making a fun craft gift for our Little Kid friends!  Last week, while Jasper was napping, Loukas and I went rummaging around my odds and ends craft arsenal and found these little polyester quilt squares that I bought and thinking they might come in handy for decorations but alas they were not meant for decorations because as I held the little squares in my hand and tossed one up in the air- I realized they were waiting to become Bean Bags!  Funky little Good-ugg Bean Bags!

And they've been a total HIT with the kids!!!  Even a couple of neighbor kids stopped in the other night who are a little older and the had a great time with them!!  Loukas filled each bag with beans (I held a paper funnel into the little holes that I cut) and then I stitched the bags close (I actually have a few left to finish, well, and a bazillion more quilt square for future bean bag making!)

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{{Just a few more peeks at our last couple weeks}}

{1} pretty pretty wrapping by rifle paper company and tags by perrodin supply {2-6}the wild icicles that formed on our house during the snow storm which kept us in for days! {7} amazing vintage children's book find, and contemplations about how to navigate the Santa Claus story thing- we are not committed to any real approach and for the most part are winging it, talking a lot about the magic of the season- it's complicated but also very much a non-topic around here.  the presents though?  the toys?  they are super sought after no matter who brings them! {8} our 2013 Holiday Card by SmockPaper.  So in love with the sentiment.

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Wishing you a lovely longest night, and hope I didn't scare you (both you readers- hi dad) away with my nonsense up yonder.  I mean, I'm not looking for any internet troubles, just stating (the tip of the iceberg) of my piece.  There's more where all of this came from and I promise, It's coming from a very genuine, peaceful, compassionate, beginner's mind place.  Thanks for stopping by. 

Much love to you and yours.

MERRY EVERYTHING & HAPPY ALWAYS

~Nicolette