Here and Now

Hello, Monday.

Happy September!  I forgot to say the last time a I posted.  So, Happy September, All.  We had a nice low key Labor day a week ago and since then I've collected little tid-bits of Life to share here, on this Blog of mine.  This Blog which I realized a few days after my last entry that my declarations of "Hey, my life is really great, look at these pictures of my kids, but sometimes I have meltdowns" might come across as completely shit-head like and ungrateful.  By just stating that I am grateful that doesn't make it so, it surely doesn't hurt to take stock every opportunity that arises.

I don't know much, but I know this much:  My kids are healthy.  I am healthy.  My husband is healthy.  We live in a relatively peaceful society.  We have clean water, and lots of delicious food.  Everything that is real and important to me in my life is right here, right now.  I've never wanted anything more than to be a happy human, and being a Mother of two little happy humans takes whatever joy I've ever experienced in my life and multiplies that joy exponentially.  To the nth degree.  Exponentially.  Nth/exponential sandwich.

∆∆∆

So. Photos.  Of life.  This Past Week.

On Labor Day, I participated in a little fashion photo shoot for a local shop, Four Legged Bird, which is this really hip little store that sells a lot of fun handmade and vintage items.  The shoot took place at the home of one of the shop vendors, Sarah Nunn who designs and sells a fun line of upcycled clothing and handbags, called Cuckoo.  I got to get all dolled up and head out to Sarah's house which is a little homestead on the top of a mountain, about 20 minutes from Fayetteville.

The fella's arm you see here, he spent his weekend doing hair and make up at New York Fashion Week this past weekend!  So, That's pretty fancy.  His partner is one of the owners of Four Legged Bird, who I had the privilege of sharing a car ride out to the shoot last Monday.  Great guys, it was nice chatting- if you are reading here, guys- so nice to make Friends.  xo

There were many a pretty thing to look at.  Sarah is an avid thrifter and has a kindred eye for beauty.  

most of these are my shoes, ps.

I loved seeing where she lives and admiring her style up close.

And her collection?  There are several pieces I'd like to snatch up!

For five-ish hours I was a girl in many different outfits and shoes and no one used me as a napkin.  Glorious, I tell you.  And it was just enough time away to really want to squeeze my sons upon return home.

Oh.  And there were PONIES! 

∆∆∆

Later that day, we drove North to Grandma's (my husband's mother's).  And every time we do (at least the last few times we have) Loukas falls asleep.  

Such a sweet moment, waking at your Grandma's house.  That photo on the
nightstand, there, is a of Jerrmy and His mom around Jasper's age now.  

There were cold beverages.

And Bubbles.

I feel like Labor Day is a Last call for summer.  It's floating away, y'all.  Bye Bye Bubbles and sidewalk chalk...

Bye Bye Sandals and Sundresses

And Spring Wedding Bouquets...

my mother in law was married in May!

∆∆∆

Hello glowy Fall-feel shaded picnics with friends:

(I love seeing my kids in the woods.  This little place is right in the middle of town but feels pretty woodsy.  It feels so great to be amongst the trees, the green, the pretty shadows, the bird sounds and wild flowers.  I love it.  Oh, and I like when my baby gets into a mess of micro-ticks and I have to strip him down real quick and frantically-ish brush off the little buggers!!  Downside- finding the leftover guys you missed later that day, Upside- cute naked baby toosh for the duration of the woods stay. So, That happened.) 

 When we arrived for our little late morning playdate on Wednesday, our little friends had arranged a picnic for the woodland faeries.

And then Jasper ate it. 

Sweet Loukas tried to comfort one of the girls who was pretty miffed about the pilfered faerie meal.   Proud mama moment.

That's a sweet glass of pride right there. 

∆∆∆

There was a make a break for it moment on Thursday, when we were running late to a friend's art show- a meatloaf I prepared for dinner took about an hour longer to bake than I had expected- we waffled, to go or not go, and finally jammied our kids up and set out for a little pre-bed soiree.  It turned out to be a great little bedtime routine mix-up.  Those little last minute adventures are one of my favorite indulgences.

This is a new one:
 Loukas has to hide for the first while when we enter into a social setting.
It's cute.  And he warms up.   

∆∆∆

Saturday night found us At The Drive In Movie!  It was also a last minute 'go for it' moment and it turned out to be really sweet and special.  

A couple nights of carrying heavy musty sleepy baby bodies to bed with out a bath- those are some good memories we are making.

∆∆∆

And then there was Sunday.  Quiet moments drinking coffee while the boys played in their little upstairs playroom.  Happily, we took the gate away from the bottom of the stairwell which leads to their little Toy Loft as Jasper can now easily go up and down the stairs without assistance!

 We are fans of the lower key Sunday Farmer's market this time of year.

We're getting to the bottom of the summer barrel.

Enjoying getting to know this little camera.  Hoping to join some kind of camera course this Fall/Winter.
For now, just playing around and happy to get lucky here and there with a good shot.

Night is falling faster, that slow glow of summer's end is promising slower days, cooler breezes, and a changing color scape.  We will soon be seeking warmth and avoiding the cold.  There will be ice on the ground, instead of in our glasses before we know it.  Soak up these last days of bare shoulders and sticky naked babies.  Stroll out to your gardens to pluck your dinner fixin's, and breathe it in.

Last call, Y'all.

Good Choice

Hello, Blog.

It's been a couple weeks.  I've missed you, but Man I've been all kinds of scattered!  My husband's sweet music festival took place last weekend, and it was a whirl wind of a great time- what I was able to see, anyway.  We had babysitters here and there and I did a lot of back and forth from the venue to home for naps and bedtime and all my Mommy duties.  My favorite part was getting dressed up.  Well, and the food.. and the cocktails.. and seeing people I love!  I did not, however, take a single photo with my fancy new camera, but it was a grand ole time.  Really great- the festival was classy and beautiful and I couldn't be a more proud wife.

Okay- and to be completely honest,  I had a couple meltdowns.  As the weekend ramped up and the anxiety of organizing family time around the events of the festival, arranging babysitters, trying to keep the kids somewhat involved, and lamenting my absence in the late-night scenes, and feeling on my own while my husband was 'The Guy' (one of The Guys) my first half hour of complaining commenced.  Exhausting, I tell you.  Then, a sequel to my brat attack ensued as we exited Roots Festival Fast Lane, slowly descending the off-ramp without a pause, proceeding into the work week- the husband back to running a restaurant that he'd been absent from for a week, needing his attention just as we needed his attention.

We are a close family (not by comparison) but we do most things as unit.  We've never spent a night away from our kids.  I probably rely far too much on my husband to care for our kids when I am pursuing my hobbies, especially considering all that he's got going.  We don't have a lot of family member support, but we always seem to get by and make the best of things!  And this last week was a bit of a doozy.  With lots of ups and downs.  And there's always that moment when we make the choice to take what's before us that is causing strife and choose to surrender- let go of that moment's discomfort and move toward the next moment.  Hold onto each other and laugh and find a new way to look at things.  Cause it's all good.

There's always something, and there'll always be something that might arise and cause momentary discomfort.  I'm just working on finding Grace in remaining flexible and supportive and working hard at being a good example for my children.  But sometimes I succumb to what I perceive as 'discomfort', and turn into a 13 year old version of myself.  I start several projects and add extra challenges for myself (like selling things on Instagram- which I totally love) when I should be focused on our household chores, laundry, home cooked meals, our garden and coordinating stimulating activities to enrich my bright children.  Hey- a gal's got to do what a gal's got to do and sometimes all my ambitions and ideas get all jumbled up in a scattered moment of freak out that the house is a wreck, we're out of groceries and the baby keeps climbing the cabinets while his brother asks for another starchy sugary treat and I shift my frustrations onto my partner, and he is very gracious and patient and kind and we state our truths and we try harder to get in the Flow.  That happened a couple times this past week.  It'll probably happen again, and I won't beat myself up about it.  It's always good to own your, eh-hem, shit and my hope is that the awareness lends to lesser degrees of 13 year old regressions as time passes.  We'll see.

So, It's back to life, and Fall is around the corner.  There will be menu changes for the Restaurant, a Fall Garden to plot, a vacation to plan and meals and diapers and bonked heads and crazy toddlers climbing the cabinets and lots and lots of why's and how's and what's this mean's.  A little sample of that last mention:  last night I scribbled these four sentences on a post-it note.  The rapid fire succession happened in about 60 seconds, from Loukas' little voice:

"I'm very thirsty for some almond milk."
"Mommy? What's a back up plan?"
"You're a Flower."
"You're a Poop."

I have a theory that if at all you are possibly border-line any kind of attention deficit challenge in your life (points to self), if you find yourself spending hours upon hours with a talkative, curious three year old- adding to that sleep deprivation and an inconsistent life schedule (non traditional work schedules, here)- you might find yourself wondering if you've crossed that diagnosable line.

A little bit of a tangent, there, I know- I'm famous for tangents- But! it's not always a bad thing:  I knew that I wanted to spend our last evening of a long run of busy weeks doing something fun with my boys last night before bed while we were solo- Jerrmy cooked dinner at his restaurant last night. So, after some dinner time toddler drama, we distracted ourselves with a little jaunt up the hill to watch the sun set (and get eaten up by mosquitos) from The Cross look-out point atop Mt. Sequoia, which boasts a lovely western view our little town and beyond, and I remembered to bring my camera!  The Soft rays of late day sun beckoned our praise...

A scowl I love

*** Hey- I'm looking forward to the Fall.  For two reasons:  1- We will be on a Beach of Lake Michigan for the Autumnal Equinox (preceded by a few days in Chicago, and followed by a few days in Nashville) and 2- that first freeze, y'all.  Sure sure sure, Fall means pretty leaves and boots and winter squash family fanaticism, but it also means bye bye mosquitos and I for one will be happy like a lark for that one!  We were ATTACKED while watching the sunset last night; I was sweating like crazy snapping these photos and slapping the little suckers away from my legs and babies' faces!  SHEESH*** (totally worth it)

Proud of this one.

That quick ride up the hill was a Good Choice.  A happy little evening Tangent.  

xo, 

N

At This Moment- Sounds of a Season

The sounds of my summer:  The following albums have ruffled my little soul feathers these past couple months- particularly the discovery of Jose Gonzales.

Jose Gonzales- Veneer (2006), Especially Track 5, Heartbeats

And Junip: 

And my secret (not so secret) crush:

Favorite Release This Year

I was Lucky enough to see Gregory Alan Isokav and shake his hand back in May. I first saw him Last year, at my husband's side project music festival, Fayetteville Roots Festival (which is just 10 days away!!) :

Gregory's lyrics and dreamy voice paired with the haunting strings of his talented ensemble... a soul ruffler for sure.  And!  He was recently on NPR- check it out!

And these have played on repeat, the sounds of years past that I'm just now catching onto:

Head and the Heart- 2001

Oh! And, of course- I can't leave out the soundtrack of nursing my Baby Bear to sleep twice (or more) daily:

These are the sounds that will bring me back to this time in my life years from now, a favorite aspect of the sensory experience of listening to and viscerally loving music and feeling what was your now when you fell in love with the sounds of a season.

What are the sounds of your summer?  

Sights of Summer & Ginger-Peach-sicle Bevvy

Hello!  Just checking in with a little share of what summer has been looking like around here:  Lots of sunflower gazing and steel tub outdoor bathing!

our mammoth sunflowers reach at least 10 feet high!

∆∆∆

It's been feeling like stepping out into Hagrid's hot breath outside these past few days and the mosquito situation of the South in August is very much upon us (the mosquito situation being that they are aplenty and they like to bite me and my young)- so getting out every day is not exactly a top priority around here.  We actually have the best of intentions of getting fresh air daily.  We ready ourselves- kids shoes, my shoes (or no shoes), waters, insect repellant- making several trips in and out of our back sliding glass doors before we are finally all 'ready' to sit out side for a spell.  Five or ten minutes later, we are back inside- usually having let in a mosquito or two in the four or five openings and closing of the door (to go back and forth collecting the aforementioned necessities) that we stayed on the other side of for a fraction of a half hour.   So we find other ways to experience the season!

Like, Peaches!  Peaches are everywhere!  And lucky us!!  Arkansas peaches are the best, really.  We are known as the diamond state but I'd say our Peaches are pretty Famous indeed!  Recently, I whipped up at little beverage on the fly when a friend was visiting and I'd like to share it!  Because on hot, dog days of summer days, nothing cheers up a muggy-weathered, mosquito-bitten-to-high-heck'd gal up like a little sweet afternoon fizzy bev.

I give you:

∆ The Ginger Peach-scicle Fizzy Bev∆



Ginger Peach Simple Syrup
Sparkling Water
Peach Ginger Sorbet
Coconut Milk
Ice
Gin (optional)

Just fill your preferred glass as full as you like with Ice, pour about an ounce of Simple Syrup, Fill glass with sparkling water, then top off with a scoop of Sorbet and a drizzle of coconut milk.  If you are feeling frisky, add a little Gin (1 1/2- 2oz) when you pour the simple syrup.  We like Hendrick's Gin around here.  And, if you are short on suppliers of amazing artisan simple syrups in your neck of the woods, check out my friends' Greta and Emily Lawson's awesome line of syrups and shrubs:  Pink House Alchemy.  We are pretty much addicted to their products and they are great gals!!!

Cheers!  

I'm off to list some fun items to my Insta-shop!

Happy Tuesday!!

xo

Cleopatra Drinks Tea, I'm a Baby Jogger, and Bangs!

I went for a mile jog on Tuesday.  

  Back when I was a single gal, in my early twenties, I took it upon myself to start running.  I was newly twenty one, weak and 'skinny-fat' and recovering from a few years of what might be defined as 'risky lifestyle.’  I was trying my best to keep myself together, working several jobs and living in a 1930's garage apartment behind a cat lady quilter.

  She made some seriously amazing artful quilts, that lady.  Like a black silhouette of that famous John Travolta 'Saturday Night Fever' arm shooting into the air pose surrounded by brightly colored contrasting fabric prints; or even better- the one she called 'Cleopatra Drinks Tea.’  It was a scene of cats having a tea party, again with contrasting fabrics to create an almost mosaic effect- one of the cats dunning a Cleopatra head piece.  Man, she was weird.  Good weird.  A weird I adore.  The kind of weird that knocks on your door one random afternoon to let you know that due to the way things in the world are going, she'd like to lower your rent by $85.

  I tell myself all the time that I'm going to go knocking on her door with my two kids in tow and I like to think she'll invite me in like she did every time I paid the rent and show us her latest work.  My kids will pull all her conspiracy theory books off the shelves and she'll offer to loan me one of her arduous 600-pagers.  I’ll tell myself that I'll read it and I'll take it and it'll stay in my van til I stealthily return it to her mailbox one afternoon, hoping she doesn't see me and want to have another visit.  Because after all these years of trying, I still have intimacy issues and that's probably why it's been almost seven years since last we spoke.

  She really was gem.  A true unicorn in life, and it was living in the upstairs apartment behind her  house that I was able to find a piece of myself and grow in ways that I didn't even understand were happening at the time.  There were still some wild nights of risk and indulgence and a lot of trial and error in decoding my own beliefs and value systems, and it was scary and hard and so liberating and fun, and I will forever be grateful for that episode of my young adulthood.  Also, wielding around to the trailhead of this tangent path, it was during that time that I started jogging for my sanity.

  While I am naturally somewhat athletic, I am not a great runner by any stretch of the imagination.  I ran cross country my sophomore year of high school, but only because my friend Christine (who is a great runner) convinced me to join the team.  After the first week of conditioning, running in the late august heat on dusty trails around almond orchards, I had shin splints and the romance had worn off.  One Saturday, we woke up extra early and ran several miles on the bike path in Bakersfield, where I grew up.  I'm pretty sure I complained a lot and thought I was going to die and was only really interested in the Bagels & Blenders we planned to eat afterward.  When it came to racing, I was usually in the bottom- never very last to finish but pretty close.  The last race I can recall running was a three mile in Hanford, California.  When we arrived to the race, the coaches informed us that the junior varsity team (that I was on, just barely) would run a three mile race instead of two.  The course was on grass and I remember feeling like my feet were bricks the whole run.  At the last stretch, I kicked into a sprint to pass several girls to not finish so near the bottom.  It was painful and my body was shaking after I crossed the finish line.  As I tried to walk off my racing heart that was pounding in my ears:  I pissed my racing shorts.  I heard tell that the pee pants are like a *thing* that sometimes happens to “athletes" who push themselves beyond their limitations.  Apparently three miles on grass after a lulling bus ride was mine. 

   A near-decade later, back at the Cat Quilter’s garage apartment,  I decided to give jogging another go.  I started slow, only running up and down the street til I worked my way around the block and after a few weeks, found my way all around the south end of town.  Eventually, I worked my way up to trail running some, but mostly stuck to a little course that I created for myself that took me down a cut through road next to a beautiful open field on Morningside Drive, just minutes away from downtown.  Again, I never became an amazing runner:  I have some knee issues and back then I smoked cigarettes and was a moderate boozer, but I did it.  And often, and loved the challenge and building strength and feeling strong and long winded.  Running became a way for me to cope, the ritual help even out the ups and downs of young womanhood in a small town far away from family.  Also, my legs looked hot.

   As my knees began to hate me, the impact becoming too much, I started to bike a little more.  When I became pregnant with Loukas, my running stopped for good.  I had suffered a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and was terrified of experiencing that same loss, and I've just have never gotten back to it.

  On Monday night, I took a drive out to the late mail collection post just south of town to send out some items I sold online and found myself cutting through that old stomping ground, Morningside Drive.  The field that it runs along remains undeveloped.  The evening sky boasted a beautiful cloud plume beyond a stretch of green pasture which when met with the rolling hills on the horizon, felt rural.  I've been finding myself taking the long way when I drive lately, taking in the views of this area that I once used to regularly appreciate on foot or on bike or from the driver’s seat of my old school Mercedes Benz that I traded for a minivan after my first Son was born.  It seems in these past four years since becoming a mother, I've found myself in a bit of a bubble.  Avoiding the scenic route for a more direct path, but in retracing some of these roads of past, I'm connecting with a Me of before- one that loves to take the long way.  And in viewing some of these parts of town- some that have changed, some that remain the same- I'm recognizing changes that have occurred within myself.  I'm happy to take the time to wander and reflect on how recent four years ago feels and how different I feel I've become, but at the same time wanting to celebrate the ways in which I am the same Me that I was before becoming a Mom.

  The fast pace of two kids under 4, one of them constantly teething and breast feeding, the other constantly wanting me to watch his every little move makes my head spin a little.  There is so much information out there, so many philosophies about how to parent.  At any given moment, it seems like making decisions about how to field another 'wook at me' 'wook at me' moment or demand for another sweet treat or coping with your baby not sleeping without your nipple in his mouth turns into this reel that plays in my head.  Trying to assimilate all the information and sentiments that my hard drive has stored, not wanting to squash their little spirits and wanting to do right by all the Mothers in the world who have lost a child or all the women out there who are desperately wanting to experience what it is like to be so viscerally annoyed by every peep your child makes, mixed with the guilt of feeling like just being a Mom at home all day everyday is not enough, can make a girl's brain and spirit feel at odds.   Motherhood is an unparalleled gift, and is so unique for each of us, to allow ourselves to be guided by fear of making the wrong move or by what we may regret if things turn to heartbreak, is a disservice to our innate ability to know what is right- in other words, don't fight your feelings.

  Anxiety and depression have been creeping up on me, my mind is overloaded and overwhelmed a lot of the time, I am finding household chores to be mundane and am mentally and physically exhausted a lot of the time.  I know that these cycles in our lives happen from time to time.  I don't expect that I should be bursting with Joy every single second of my life, and don't get me wrong- we have some pretty darn joyful moments around here.   But, after a few weeks of finding myself under a cloud of edginess and fatigue, ups and downs, finding myself already "over" the day at 9AM Tuesday morning, not wanting to deal with another long hot day of kids whining and not listening and not eating after rapid fire demands for food (several times a day) I made a dash for what are the only shoes in my closet that even come close to a running shoe- a pair of Merrell solo hikers- and took to the streets.

  Overall, I'd say that I am not concerned with providing my children a utopic rearing, they are not here to be my projects and they are not going to be my greatest accomplishments because they are people, this I am beginning to identify.  And it is quite a relief, actually, to realize that I am not the center of their universe and they don't have to be mine.  They have saved my life in so many ways and I am grateful to be their mother and of course I think they are wonderful miraculous people, but they are not my projects- that would be too much pressure on them.  I can't have them feel that my happiness is dependent upon them or my role as their Mom.  I am committed to following my instincts and not surrendering my values, but at the same time I find myself in a transitional phase as my roots as a mother are growing deeper where I am finding that sometimes, I need to strap on whatever might pass as suitable footwear and run, as fast as I can, in the other direction.  Literally. 

My jog on Tuesday was awesome.  Okay, the awesomeness came in waves- there were some 'this sucks' parts for sure, but overall I truly enjoyed myself.  The July sun beating down on my body, the sky a clear, royal blue above- I felt so strong and empowered in my stride that instead of turning North to head home as I freely legged it toward a steep hill, I kept going- one foot in front of the other- and as I ascended, I picked up my pace- one foot in front of the other- thinking that this body of mine is powerful, and pushed myself to pump it hard up the hill.  At the top, things felt less awesome as my breath and heart raced to keep up with the work my body had just done.  My ears pounded and I kept calm as I worked to catch my breath, slowing down to recover- thankfully, not pissing my running shorts.

I may eventually even work my way up to jogging on over to the Cat Quilter’s place, and get a glimpse at Cleopatra Drinking her Tea.

***

Be Good to yourselves, friends.  And thanks for visiting today.

   

xo

InstaSHOP

I whipped up a logo last night before sending my first two invoices using the Beautiful Mess App! 

I've started an Instagram shop!  Something tells me the ease of posting items for sale and creating invoices via PayPal, avoiding seller fees is too good to be true.  So, I'll be gettin' whilst the gettin' is good.  My shop name is @ozarkmamadeershop.  Most of the items will be gently used children's clothing, vintage and boutique.  But, I may throw in some lady items as well as home goods.  Check me out!

xo

N