happiness

Last night, to check a to-do off my ever growing mental-list of ideas and goals (a bullet on that list to start writing down my lists by the way) I started to compose a Facebook message to a pal of mine who lives a ways out of town to ask that she stop by Terra Studios on her way in and pick me up a little something to mail to this popular blogger that I adore.  I've been rearranging the boys' room and it hit me the other day that our tiny bluebird of happiness would be the perfect show of love for the inspiration that lady's been.  Halfway through the first sentence I deleted the message.  We'd go ourselves.  And like it.  The weather's been so nice.  Our layers are few these past couple days, as happens in Arkansas.  The sun has been bright and warm, but our household has felt less light and toasty.  

We are adjusting to a newly turned three-year-old clever little Fox who does not nap and exhausts us with his tantrums and his demands and his skills of reason and bargaining.  It must be so hard to be constantly monitored and managed.  I get that.  (I remember that)  And we are all in this together but what a challenge it has been to deal.  There are a lot of ups and downs.

So after (another) long night- many wakings and much restlessness (as I write this I realize that we probably qualify for some kind of family sleep intervention- but that's another story) when we met the day, as coffee steeped- I upped the Saturday day doings ante and suggested we head west to faerie land USA and collect us a tiny bluebird to mail to that stranger in Florida for whom I feel so kindred.   

See my bluebird?  It's one of my very favorite little things- always brings me joy.

Minus a lot of crying, and a few 'this was a terrible idea's escaping my lips as my blood pressure rose and nerves frizzled- unable to soothe our Bear in the back seat for a solid 3/4 of the 20 minute jaunt, we arrived to the land of whimsy which is Terra Studios...

 The sky was blue and clear, the air was crisp, and the sun shine welcoming.   Winter's bare branches and receded greenery were no contest to the colorful, cute and sometimes 'weird in a good way' Art that continues to sprout up about the grounds of this little artist community.  In my years of coming here, today was the most I've appreciated.  "This was a great idea"s soared from lips as we unloaded out van into our stroller and set out to explore...  

T

I joked on Instagram that this guy reminded me of how I've been feeling lately:::

But oh how nice it was to be outdoors and to feel the sun.  The woodsy setting of the place felt just enough like being in the woods to feel connected...

And, of course, there were lots and lots of cute kid photo ops.

And there were reminders of the season as we comfortably strolled about without heavy winter wear...

and then there was this:  

Lots to be inspired by

Feed the trash monster face was popular::

***Just a few more::

What a splendid time.  The car ride home was not quiet nor calm, I unleashed the ole hover nurse stunt (the norm for even trips across town when I have a driver) and we settled in for the afternoon with yard play sesh and a visit from friends, Daddy went to work.  We made a mental note to start shopping for a new car seat to turn Jasper forward facing as soon as possible, and I'm plotting packaging for Kelle Hampton's tiny blue bird.  How fitting to find so many small things to enjoy along the way. 

And such pretty pictures to treasure...

Peace to all.

Nicolette

i am big

Just after his third birthday last month I took these photos of Loukas in our yard while the baby Bear napped and kind of forgot about them until I uploaded some photos from our camera the other day.  What a sweet surprise...

I like how he is in his jammies.  And that it was warm enough just a few short weeks ago to romp around the yard without a coat.

and Fox has got some super hero moves, y'all...

figuring out his 'shookers' (he makes a pretty authentic web shooting sound
when he is playing spiderman)

Loukas has been doing that thing lately where he insists that he is a 'big boy' now.  And, being the 'deep thinker' that I've always been, I try to identify and relate with from where he is coming.  It seems like I spent a great deal of my life, too, trying to prove my maturity- convince those around me that I know what I am doing.  That I have the experience to state the facts and make choices, seeking respect from co-workers, classmates, friends and especially family.  I'm not sure what has changed, maybe the identifying with this instinct of my little son to prove his capabilities, but I feel that I am coming into an age of moving past that desire to prove myself.  All I can do is just be and do.  In all the years of (subconsciously) trying to convince others that I knew what I was doing and I could handle my own, I missed out on a lot of opportunities to create and listen and learn.  And to Love.

 Here I sit- "grown up," with the most important responsibility of all: to raise a child (children!!!), and I shrug my shoulders a lot and find it comforting to express that I do not know what the hell I am doing or what's what and I am letting go of a lot of my expectations and learning to be less critical and in all of that that little girl inside who was insecure and (obnoxiously) knew it all and wanted everyone around to know it, is settling down and opening.  All that time spent demonstrating how big I was and now I have arrived at that place where there are little people who count on my knowing what to do and how things work and when and what comes next... and where things are and why and more why... and I find my self very cathartically (with such an open heart and such gratitude) feeling like a child myself- but with nothing to prove.  And it feels nice.   
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Loukas Fox is a budding photographer, friends and family: these are all some of his 'gets' from the last couple months- these were all very happily found among blurry shots of his toy boxes, floor messes and me Instagramming in my jammies on the couch.

dirty window sill and pillow... very artsy.

I did strike that pose.

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Happy rest of the weekending to you!  We are looking forward to a slow Sunday of comfy clothes and a cozy fire...  

and most likely some'a this...